It is not an easy task to find a bear close to human civilization. For most of their time on earth, bears live as reclusive, solitary creatures, hunting and living in solitude for the majority of their lives.¹ Most people assume that bears are aggressive by nature because of their confrontations with humans; in reality, a bear never seeks human contact, but merely responds to it. As I searched for her, Bear was equally elusive in the spirit world as she is in nature. Ted Andrews stresses that “the animal chooses the person, not the other way around,”² and in my spiritual journey, this held true; no matter how relentlessly I pursued her, Bear was nowhere to be found. At last, I retreated from the physical world, alone in my dorm, and night closed in on me. When sounds, voices, and thoughts finally ceased, Bear came to me.

She came to me in solitude, eyes pitch black, even darker than the night she emerged from. I did not dare move, but sat motionlessly as I let her access the den of my mind and become at ease. She was massive, dwarfing myself even within my own ego, with waves and waves of thick brown hair spanning across her enormous frame. When she became at home in the caverns of my subconscious, her attention then turned to me. With the same slow diligence that she had absorbed her environment, she judged me, using her heightened sense of smell to gain perspective on not only who I was, but where I had been. When everything was digested and understood, my den closed around us as I became her, and she became me.

Behind a pair of luminescent black eyes, the world took on a new tone of ease and awareness. The world bore itself to me as I lumbered through it, massive and invulnerable. I no longer needed to pour myself across the earth and unearth every detail of life around me; everything I needed to know was clear to me, and everything else was inconsequential. In the physical world, my dorm, which I had struggled to reinvent as my new home, now took on a new, non-threatening role as my den and my solitude. My connection with Bear presented a new opportunity for me to “tap into the wax, wane and flow of life,”³ as my existence became my mind’s focus, and extraneous features of the world melted away. As I shook the pain and monotony of existence from my massive skull, my purpose became clear, and I was at ease with myself and my surroundings. I allowed myself to sink into a long state of introspection and observation, feeling the peace of the world envelop me in my warm, tranquil den. Darkness settled around me, but fear ceased to exist, replaced with the realization that, as Bear, night was my ally, and not my enemy. In what felt like moments, dark became light, and winter became spring. I awoke, at peace with the world outside my den that beckoned me to new life.

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As I left my den, light slowly began to fill my eyes as it streaked across the walls of my cave and breathed new life into the stone. Warmness sank through layers of fur and hide into my core, invigorating me to walk the world outside my den with renewed passion for life. The sun glinted through holes in the foliage above, illuminating the bounty of grass, berries, and plants that lay before me. I was spurred by the aeons of instinct that had culminated to form me, and everything became clear and unobstructed by the fog of indecision and contemplation that blinded me in my human form. I knew which herb to eat to satisfy my hunger, which plant would awaken my stomach after months of dormancy, and which leaves to avoid.⁵ In the distance, a stream flowed across pebbles, sending them colliding against the stone bed of a crystalline river. It called to me, singing of a thirst satisfied, of a pain washed away, and a beginning newly unearthed. I knew the way by heart though I had never been there in my human formed, and each newly formed paw print was made distinctly and purposefully. When I crossed the threshold of the forest into the stream, the water rushed over my paws and traced the contours of my fur. The sun covered me in warmth; the water rushed freely at my feet; the air above me danced in unison to keep cool wind in my fur. My instincts awoke again as the pale, glittering scales of salmon bobbed between the currents. With a mind of its own, my claw shot into the clear water below and re-emerged victoriously with a salmon. The thrill of it washed over me; victory was simple, but true, and I consumed my prey in triumph.

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The river, the forest, and the air that I breathe all belong to the Kodiak Islands. Just south of the Arctic Circle, The Kodiak Archipelago is defined by its valleys and peaks that were carved by the movement of glaciers and now present a varied landscape between the islands. Among the unique geography that spans the region, the kodiak bear, a sub-species of brown bear unique to the Kodiak Archipelago, has adapted and thrived, becoming a defining element of both the culture and ecosystem of the islands.⁷ The environment prompted the kodiak bear to develop several of the adaptations that give the sub-species a distinct identity beyond the common brown bear. The exclusively sub-arctic climate demands greater protection from sub-zero temperatures and high wind speeds, resulting in the kodiak bear being tied with the polar bear for the largest species of bear on Earth. The imposing size of the kodiak bear manifests itself in my life in a variety of ways. On a physical level, the bear is often reflected through its human companion in a way not typically seen in other spirit animals. Dr. Farmer notes that people with the bear as their power animal tend to have a body with “a certain bearish quality to it;”⁸ Luttichau likewise observes that the bear is “closely linked to the element earth, and her inner qualities are present in her physical form.”⁹ The bear speaks through my height, my size, and my facial hair, forming a physical connection to the spiritual plane where the bear’s formidable presence takes a new form. Bear’s gravity and weight are reflected in her medicine, which are commonly recognized as “solid strength, grounding, and taking one step at a time.” For this reason, bear is “excellent for people who may feel unstable in life,” making the bear particularly applicable to my life as I transition into college.¹⁰ The establishment of a ‘cave’ is vital to the bear, and as I emerge from the home of my youth, this becomes absolutely essential. Without a place of protection from the world outside, the bear cannot survive; similarly, without a place of introspection and solitude, people of the bear are lost. The kodiak bear connotes strength and foundation, two powerful allies as I create my new home in Austin.

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The immense size of the kodiak bear has led to a life-style that is distinct to the sub-species. While the polar bear relies on its predatory instincts to sustain its bulky mass, the kodiak bear has no large prey well-suited to its size; instead, the kodiak bear is omnivorous, supplementing a diet of salmon with grass, plants, and berries.¹² The sporadic availability of food has prompted the kodiak bear to adapt and develop sedentary roots; consequently, kodiak bears experience a stronger connection to their home than other brown bears.¹³ I consider Texas my personal parallel to The Kodiak Islands. While I may have moved from Dallas to Austin, I am still within the boundaries of home. Just as kodiak bears tend to show a strong incentive to stay within their homes, I always gravitate to my home in Texas no matter where I go.

The kodiak bear’s proclivity to efficient use of available food near home rather than pursuing other mammals as prey has lead to smaller home ranges than other brown bears typically have. Rather than having hunting areas unique to each bear, several bears will establish individual home ranges around areas of concentrated feeding, eliminating the need for territorial protection.¹⁴ Without the need to defend territory, the primary cause of conflict between bears and humans is eliminated, and the true gentle nature of the bear is revealed: Only one person has been killed by a bear in the Kodiaks in 70 years.¹⁵ While most bears will not show aggression unless provoked, the kodiak bear is remarkably good-natured. The formidable physical presence of the bear reflects confidence and authority, but also inspires fear in those who do not fully understand it.¹⁶ The balance between confidence and aggression is a daily struggle for me, who like the kodiak bear, wishes to assert authority without frightening others.

The exception to the kodiak bear’s pacifism are in circumstances that friends or family are in danger. Along with the protection and strength of the bear, those with the bear as their power animal are fierce defenders, and will not tolerate any threat to her ‘cubs.’¹⁷ Even those who are familiar to the bear recognize that beneath the peaceful exterior is an explosive instinct to defend loved ones.¹⁸ In high-school, I became known as ‘mama-bear’ because of my instinctual need to take care of my friends when they lived outside of their limits. I was the go-to designated driver, and always felt the innate urge make sure that everyone was safe before I could rest and enjoy myself. My bear-like tendency to be fiercely protective is heightened through the kodiak bear. The kodiak bear’s massive skull is set with jaws suited to tearing through flesh, fiber, or plant with ease, and at the ends of each massive paw sit long, retractable claws.¹⁹ Even the instinctual protective nature is increased, as long-lived animals like the kodiak bear, which lives up to 30 years, tend to “invest a great deal in a small number of offspring.”²⁰ Like the kodiak bear, I tend to develop relationships from the ground level, and invest a great deal of myself in cultivating and preserving them. It is only natural that I would protect the people I hold dear to me with the ferocity of a mother bear protecting her cubs.

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The true strength of the kodiak bear as a power animal rests in the dual nature of the bear. In Pueblo lore, the bear is said to reside in temples where she oversees the movement of the night and the cycle of the moon. Most Native-American tribes recognize the power of the bear as overseer of the moon because of hibernation patterns; however, the bear is not limited to the night. The ‘waking’ nature of the bear and the ‘sleeping,’ or hibernating, nature provide two entirely distinct interpretations of what it means to walk the earth as a bear. In hibernation, the bear is under the influence of the moon, and is prone to introspection and inaction as the subconscious reigns under the guise of darkness. The awakened bear is solar, and is associated with extroversion, lightness, consciousness, and action. The bear instinctively knows when it is time to retreat to solitude and peace as winter approaches. When spring arrives, the same instincts urge the bear to emerge from solitude and begin life with new vigor.²² In my life, this dichotomy is reflected in my psychology; I drift between action and inaction on the whims of my depression. When I enter a depressive episode, I retreat to solitude and introspection, cutting off communication in anyway possible. When unaffected by my depression, I am alive and confident. The key to my power animal is in the instinct to control the dual nature of the bear. Like the bear, I must emerge as spring arrives, and the time to call on the confidence and assertiveness of the waking bear is presented.²³ To the kodiak bear, few things are as vital as solitude; however, social interaction is necessary when traversing the concentrated areas of food that the each home range is situated around.²⁴ The kodiak bear has developed a language and accompanying social stratification to avoid conflict and successfully coexist.²⁵ The power to navigate the two worlds of solitude and social interaction is ingrained within the bear’s command over the cycles of night and day. In this way, the bear power animal is a guide, but she is also a partner: “She looks into the dark and knows the secrets of the night. Bear offers strong protections in the subconscious realm, as she enters the deep layers of the mind during that long introspective time while ice and snow cover the ground.”²⁶ There is great power and truth in developing mastery of the two natures of the bear; the transition from darkness to light is not only on the border of sleeping and awakening, but also on the border between life and death. There is a theme of resurrection inherent in the bear’s command over light and dark, as a long period of inaction culminates in a victorious emerging into life.²⁷ My journey with the bear will be the life-long task of awakening the instinct within myself that the dictates the bear’s knowledge of light and dark.

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For the people of the Alutiiq tribe, the kodiak bear was more than an animal; they represented the culture’s way of life. Similar in tribal significance to the buffalo of The Great Plains, the kodiak bear was at one point the only large land mammal available to Alutiiq people, as deer and elk were both introduced from Europe.²⁹ Every piece of the bear was vital to their existence, from the warmth-bringing fur to the water-resistant gut.³⁰ Kodiak bears were hunted exclusively in winter and spring, when salmon was not available. Before beginning a hunt, the hunter cleansed himself in a steam bag to lessen the smell of humans, and allowed only a bow and two stone-tipped arrows to aide him. Alutiiq mythology stressed the similarity between humans and bears, gifting bears the unique ability to take the form of a human.³¹ Bears were thought to have the mystical abilities of shamans and healers, because of a close proximity to the spirit world. The kodiak bear was not an animal to the Alutiiq people, but a creature of reverence; the ensuing struggle between hunter and bear was a spiritual battle, not against the bear, but against the humanity of the bear and the inhumanity of its death. If the hunt was successful, the hunter was forbidden to discuss the kill, as it was thought that the bear could hear because of its stake in the spirit world. As a final act of reverence, the skull of the bear was returned to the place of its death to serve as a conduit between the physical and spiritual worlds.

As a power animal, the bear is often eerily human in its companionship. The bear’s ability to walk on her hind legs pushes the boundary between animal and human nearly to dissolution; in my case, the boundary ceases to exist, as the bear and I become one as kindred spirits. Bear is my companion, but in many ways, she is my superior. On her hind legs, she stands up to ten feet tall, towering over even the tallest humans. When an Alutiiq hunter was sent to face the kodiak bear, the words ‘hunter’ and ‘prey’ quickly lost their meanings. To hunt the kodiak bear is to face what you strive to be, and then conquer it. No matter who emerges from the den alive, a piece of the ‘hunter’ is dead, but the kodiak bear never changes; who then, is truly the hunter, and who is truly the prey?

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Word Count:

2602 without quotes

2743 with quotes

Illustrations:

1. Eyes of the Bear

2. Victory Tastes like Fish

3. The Unique Geography of the Kodiak Archipelago

4. Mother Bear Watching Over Her Cubs

5. The Delicate Balance Between Moon and Sun

6. The Humanity of the Bear